Solitude often evokes images of isolation, lonliness, abandonment. But to a stay at home mom, solitude sounds like a little peace of heaven.
In our small group, we are studying Richard Foster's Celebration of Disipline, and last week we talked about the disipline of solitude. This morning I asked Steve to let me leave for bit while Josiah was sleeping, so that I could seek solitude. And what did I do? I made a phone call on the way to the library. Once at the library, I selected a stack of books to flip through to spark ideas on what to teach at mom's group in a couple of days. Then I slipped out my laptop, signed into the wireless network, and now sit at a table in the "Quiet Study" room, blogging. I don't think I'm seeking solitude.
"Solitude begins with a time and a plae for God, and him alone." And here I sit, listening to the inner chaos, making time for me. I can teach on the theory of solitude, but I'm an amateur at the application. It is counter-culture, for sure. And I do have the pressure of time moving me towards activity. I want to accomplish something in this 90 minute period of time I have before I must go back "on duty". I've chosen to blog at this moment to help me organize my thoughts.
I am good at little solitudes in the day, at recognizing those moments when I might be tempted to fill the quiet with noise or words, instead I choose to sit quietly. I have many opportunities every day to sit while nursing Josiah, and while I'm tempted to pick up a book or the phone or my laptop, sometimes I just sit. I don't always pray. I don't always ponder. Sometimes, I listen to the thoughts swirling around in my head, and I cry out to God to order them.
Foster writes "Do not run from distractions but, rather, turn them into prayers. Keep a pad and pencil by your chair as you relax in solitude; when a distracting thought comes into your mind, write it down and then commit it to prayer." I've been trying to do this, to actively address the thoughts that swirl and distract, to lasso them, contain them, and thus remove the power they have to distract me from what God might want to say.
And there in lies the core issue for me: DISTRACTION. I have hardly any peace in my life to really take hold of. I know how to function on a surface level, but I'm failing at hearing God speak because I'm constantly distracted. I have the sweetest two boys in the world, and yet, they can consume me at times in an unholy way to the point where I can no longer hear God speaking to me.
So what do I do? Should I wake up earlier? That seems painful, given Josiah's sleeping habits lately. Do I hire a babysitter? Do I take a walk? I don't have the answers, but I think God wants me to seek Him more in new and creative ways. I wonder if I'll develop some new disciplines along the way?
I'll keep you postd.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Thursday, June 04, 2009
Vettriano's "The Singing Butler"
I have decided that I HATE this painting.
For some reason today I see this painting in a whole new light. I wasn't even looking at the painting, haven't seen it in months, when I randomly thought of it. I don't know why it's so popular. Here is a couple with a butler and a maid forced to attend to them while they dance in their self-consumed world. Notice how the poor maid is hunched over, clinging to her hat against the wind. Even the butler has raised his shoulders as if to protect himself from the elements.
And yet this couple is so consumed with the moment, that they hedonistically dance for their own enjoyment, oblivious to the misery of those in their service. We can assume that they know little of true hardship by their manner of dress and by the purposeful posture they both assume. They know the roles they are supposed to be playing, and as long as everyone around them sings the right song and knows all the protocols, all will be fine. Have they ever considered the meaning of life? Or do they buy into the lie that they deserve a better life than those who serve them?
What would Jeeves make of this? "Jeeves and Wooster" is a delightful glimpse into the world pictured above, of elitist youth and the men and women who are doomed to serve them. Jeeves would problably perform the service required of him, but would no doubt record the injustice of it in the Junior Ganymede Club Book where butlers and valets were able to record the real character of those who employee them.
And sadly, this privileged young couple will most likely go through life not knowing real human connection that comes with humility and honesty. In their pride, they will continue on enjoying the benefits of their entitled lives, but truth and love that endures will no doubt elude them. An image that seems to capture all that is romantic is, ironically, more of a poster child for shallow and fleeting affection.
Hopefully now you hate this painting too.
For some reason today I see this painting in a whole new light. I wasn't even looking at the painting, haven't seen it in months, when I randomly thought of it. I don't know why it's so popular. Here is a couple with a butler and a maid forced to attend to them while they dance in their self-consumed world. Notice how the poor maid is hunched over, clinging to her hat against the wind. Even the butler has raised his shoulders as if to protect himself from the elements.
And yet this couple is so consumed with the moment, that they hedonistically dance for their own enjoyment, oblivious to the misery of those in their service. We can assume that they know little of true hardship by their manner of dress and by the purposeful posture they both assume. They know the roles they are supposed to be playing, and as long as everyone around them sings the right song and knows all the protocols, all will be fine. Have they ever considered the meaning of life? Or do they buy into the lie that they deserve a better life than those who serve them?
What would Jeeves make of this? "Jeeves and Wooster" is a delightful glimpse into the world pictured above, of elitist youth and the men and women who are doomed to serve them. Jeeves would problably perform the service required of him, but would no doubt record the injustice of it in the Junior Ganymede Club Book where butlers and valets were able to record the real character of those who employee them.
And sadly, this privileged young couple will most likely go through life not knowing real human connection that comes with humility and honesty. In their pride, they will continue on enjoying the benefits of their entitled lives, but truth and love that endures will no doubt elude them. An image that seems to capture all that is romantic is, ironically, more of a poster child for shallow and fleeting affection.
Hopefully now you hate this painting too.
Monday, June 01, 2009
Life...
Silas has his first loose tooth. Josiah is sitting up and playing by himself now. Time is progressing whether I want it to or not.
Life is great right now. I need to remind myself of that when I'm tired. Not sleepy from a hard night, but tired, physically drained from the demands a baby brings. I must carry him everywhere. And he's HEAVY (19 lbs. 10 oz. at his 6 month check-up!) And so when I need to run into a store, I must carry him. When I have to stop by the finance office at preschool to pay a bill, he is on my hip. Everytime I drop Silas off and pick him up from school, I have to unbuckle the baby and carry him in, hold him while I talk to the teacher, gather Silas' papers from his box and stuff them into his backpack along with his lunch box, all the while balancing this jolly 20 pounder on my hip. No wonder my back aches!
And I wouldn't trade it for the world!
And Silas' first loose tooth is sooooo exciting! Our little boy is growing up! He's loosing his baby teeth at the same time that Josiah is getting his. Two wonderful little boys. Yes, life is great.
Life is great right now. I need to remind myself of that when I'm tired. Not sleepy from a hard night, but tired, physically drained from the demands a baby brings. I must carry him everywhere. And he's HEAVY (19 lbs. 10 oz. at his 6 month check-up!) And so when I need to run into a store, I must carry him. When I have to stop by the finance office at preschool to pay a bill, he is on my hip. Everytime I drop Silas off and pick him up from school, I have to unbuckle the baby and carry him in, hold him while I talk to the teacher, gather Silas' papers from his box and stuff them into his backpack along with his lunch box, all the while balancing this jolly 20 pounder on my hip. No wonder my back aches!
And I wouldn't trade it for the world!
And Silas' first loose tooth is sooooo exciting! Our little boy is growing up! He's loosing his baby teeth at the same time that Josiah is getting his. Two wonderful little boys. Yes, life is great.
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