I am in a state of transition. It has been challenging, but I see God's hand and I know it is for the best.
Shortly after Samuel (Son Number 3) started full-time preschool, I started back to work, really back to work. Going in, assuming more responsibility, building some great things. I loved it.
When I got pregnant with Simeon (Son Number 4), I didn't know what to do about work. I was told I had to work or the boys would be cut out someday, and so we made the decision to find a nanny and try to figure it out.
Three years later, I am scaling back.
I've been through significant changes and seen amazing growth, but I'm also tired of being unappreciated for what I bring to the family business and feel it is time to focus on my core family.
I have been making significant sacrifices, and it seems it's all been for nothing.
God is speaking to me in this season of transition. It's not the most encouraging of words, but at least I am hearing him.
"Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." John 12:24
Dying to self.
Laying down the place the world tells me should be mine. "You can have it all!" Um, no.
Rest.
I have had little rest. Every moment has a demand waiting for me. There has been no rest. Always striving. Never enough.
Peace.
I have had little peace, even while striving to be the peacemaker. The price for peace has been my anxiety or my silence. It has been a false peace.
Submission.
Oh, this one is tough. Yielding, humbly, to others. Not fun. And through my struggle to yield, I am faced with my sin, my PRIDE.
Trust. Sabbath. Rest.
God put sabbath in place, and we throw it out. God in his mercy is bringing me to a place of humble rest in Him. He sees me. In the dark, God sees the kernel as it dies. He sees the new life that springs forth underneath the ground. He sees. He is El ROI, the God who Sees.
