Journey With faith...

Originally drafted April 11, 2008

I am pregnant again. It is so wanted and yet it brings out so many difficult emotions. Joy and Fear are constantly fighting for my full attention and so I have found myself forgetting that I am even pregnant at times, perhaps as a coping mechanism.

I have had 2 ultrasounds showing a strong heartbeat and many blood tests showing good HcG and progesterone levels. This is quite different from the pregnancy I lost in September when there never was a heartbeat and my body just took a long time to recognize that it wasn't supporting a viable pregnancy. And so this time I have been guarded, protecting myself in case, God forbid, things might go in the same direction.

But this time is very differnt, and I am rejoicing because of it.

I went last week to see the doctor and felt as if I could finally exhale when I saw that beautiful heartbeat blipping away in a static field on the monitor. And as we were walking back to the exam room for a final consultation, I thought all was well. But then my doctor reviewed some addtional labwork and discovered something of concern: I have Anti-D antibodies present in my blood.

What are Anti-D antibodies and why would I be concerned? I am Rh negative and Steve, my dear husband, is Rh positive. If you recall from high school biology, there are different bloodtypes and some are compatible and some are not.

Sometime during my miscarriage my body recognized I was pregnant with an Rh Positive baby and my body converted and began producing anti-D antibodies. This means that my body may begin to produce more of these antibodies with this pregnancy which will cross the placenta into the baby's bloodstream and begin destroying the baby's blood cells. There is NOTHING that can be done to reverse this process. I felt completely defeated and hopeless upon receiving this news.

I called my mom that night, and she reminded me of the hope that is in Christ Jesus, that I can call on Him and He will answer me... She went on in faith for 20 minutes, building my faith and encouraging me not to give in to fear (I Peter 3:6). I went to bed that night with a resolve to feed my faith and not my fear and instead of lengthy internet searches on "anti-D antibodies", I read through Bible verses that spoke of God's promises to heal, hear, and protect those with FAITH.

The very next morning we were able to see a specialist and were very encouraged by our meeting with him. He basically confirmed that there is nothing that can be done to remove the anti-bodies, but he was very confident that I would be able to carry this baby to term with regular activity and some intervention if needed. The change in my heart was so amazing from Tuesday to Wednesday. I am confident that everything will be fine. I may have to jump through a few hoops in order to have a healthy baby, but I WILL GIVE BIRTH TO A HEALTHY BABY!!!

"Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome!" Nehemiah 4:14

And so I am rejoicing in the LORD and in his great mercy. He is faithful and good and I will not be afraid.