Too close for comfort...

A couple days ago Steve told me about a particular critical-care patient of his that he had spent a lot of time with. She was 32 years old and had just given birth 4 weeks earlier to a healthy baby boy. When I asked him what was wrong with her and replied simply, "She is very sick."

I don't know how many doctors worked on her case, specialists of all kinds, but she continued to decline. Her heart function was decreasing, and she had some kind of infection, but they couldn't locate the source. She was transferred to another hospital with a better critical-care facility, and there she had surgery in which they removed her uterus after it perforated during a D&C. Perhaps there was some tissue left over from the delivery that caused the infection. We still don't know.

I was consumed with her case, asking for every detail (including her name, which Steve with held due to HIPAA compliance). Why was she sick? There still wasn't a good answer. It was frightening. It still is.

I told my mom about her yesterday and we prayed for her healing. I felt the spirit of death had attached itself to her, and we both prayed against it. I went to sleep last night feeling peaceful that she was in God's hands.

Today, I asked about how she was doing and was shocked when Steve told me she died last night. I do not understand why, and of course, I am fighting to maintain peace.

And so I am grieving. Grieving for a woman I have never met but felt a deep connection to. Grieving because she will not be there to raise her son, she will not know the joy of seeing him go to preschool or meet his first soccer coach. And her little boy will never know the woman who gave him life. He will only hear about her as he grows.

I know there is pain in the world, tragedies like this one that have no explanation. Although my life has had it's share of troubles, I have been protected from such pain and for that I am thankful. I know that my God is watching over me, protecting me, planning good things for me, providing for me.

I just wish that I could have done something to help. I felt that my prayers were enough, but I was so moved by compassion that I really wanted to DO something - to go down there and pray with her, anoint her with oil, share the gospel with her, offer her hope... but all I did was pray. I know there is power in prayer, but I will never see in this life any fruit from those heart-felt prayers that were going up for her. I suppose I can continue to pray for her husband and baby boy.

I just don't understand. I just don't get it.

How will I continue? "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." (Proverbs. 17:22) I will chose to be cheerful, to keep my spirit focused on the goodness of God and not allow this to crush me. I will remember that I am a redeemed daughter of God and that he will watch over me. I will not fear evil - I will remember that even the swallow has found a nest for herself, where she may have her young - a place near the altar of the Most High. (Psalm 84:3) I will put me trust in God and not man. "No good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless." (Psalm 84:11)

Even now, I know God is bigger. I may not understand, but I don't have to. I will release this woman and know that I am not her, that this will not happen to me.

Uncle Martin

Every summer we take a trip to Michigan to visit with Steve's family. Sometimes we visit with the extended family (both of his parents are from Michigan, so there are PLENTY of relatives to catch up with). This year, it worked out that we could only get away for 3 days, and so we just spent our time with his parents and his brother, Martin.

Silas completely latched on to his Uncle Martin. Together they worked around on the farm, driving the tractor, moving dirt, running over small trees. They hunted for wild turkeys but only managed to collect a few feathers. They fished with real worms and caught a real cat fish. They built a fire and roasted marshmellows. You can see why Silas became so attached - Uncle Martin is REALLY COOL!

And the best part is that Uncle Martin seemed to enjoy it all as much as Silas.

Napping...

Naps are tricky. On days when Silas doesn't nap, it can be hard to get through his normal napping hours without tons of whininess. I still insisit on him having "quiet time" to himself, where he is in some other part of the house alone. I think it's important that he not have his every waking hour filled with interaction.

If he doesn't nap, he goes to bed very early, which leaves me with a lovely evening to myself, or if Steve is home, to spend with my husband when we aren't totally exhausted.

But most days he still needs naps. Today his nap was going longer than the normal one and a half to two hours. I was beginning to fear that bedtime tonight might be a battle if I let him sleep longer, so I went up to wake him up and invite him to join the world.

Most of the time when I wake him from a nap, he is happy to get up and asks, "Is my quiet time over?" But today, he surprised me with his request:

"Can you please leave me alone so I can sleep?"

I guess his little body wasn't done yet. I'll have to make the most of the this extended nap, as it might mean a late night for us.

Turbo!

Silas is in camp at a local gymnastic center this week - the theme is American Gladiators. On the first day, all the kids got to draw a "gladiator" name out of a hat and his gladiator name is Turbo. It so suits him.

He has decided that he really likes the name and has even asked if I will sign him in at church as "Turbo Silas". He is even working hard to learn to spell it! I guess whatever helps him learn.

He is really doing well at camp and LOVING IT! I showed up early yesterday to observe for a bit, and I was amazed at the complex series of activities they were asked to do:

Donkey kicks on the wedge mat, then
Walk sideways up the inclined balance beam, then
Somersault (with assistance) down the ajoining balance beam, then
Hop on one foot on the mini-trampoline five times, counting outloud (1,2,3,4,5), then
Run up to the spring board, jump two times and land on raised block mat, then
Go to rings and pull up to make "Mickey Mouse ears", then
Run to start and begin again.

As I listened to Ms. Paige give the instructions, I wondered if he would be able to do it all. I was stunned at how well he did! My little boy CAN follow directions! YIPEE!

Pregnancy Update: 2nd Trimester

I am feeling so much movement these days - it's so much fun! I'm really starting to feel that special connection to him and Steve is even starting to refer to him as "Josiah" so we might have finally settled on the name. We don't have a middle name yet, but that will come. I have been noticing Braxton-Hicks contractions everyday, especially in the afternoon and into the evening. I don't remember feeling them this early with Silas. I am such a hypochondriac sometimes that I think I make too much out of everything, but I do plan to mention it to my doctor when I go see her in a couple weeks, just to make sure I'm not overdoing it. I have this friend from church who I've just gotten to know and she and her husband just went to Italy for 10 days, hiking and biking all over - oh, and she was 6 or 7 months pregnant! On her blog, she posted a video of her husband napping on a bench while she's waiting on him so they can go hiking up this gorgeous mountain side. I feel like such a wimp compared to her!!!! But I know I shouldn't compare myself and I should be thankful for the health I do have. It is hard, though, not to feel like a complete whiner when I think of her!

Summer Days...

Isn't summer wonderful. Sleeping until 8:00. No where to rush off to in the morning. Lazy days at the pool, library, playing in the backyard. Wonderful.

I am so enjoying my little boy. I realize this is my last summer we have to ourselves, just the two of us. Next summer we'll have a 6 month old with us, and while I'm so thrilled to be giving Silas a sibling, I will miss these days of just having one child. It's so easy to up and go. And he is so fun!

We spent a relaxed evening at home, which started with watering plants and ended with playing in the sprinklers. After bath, we had a snack, and then cuddled up to read some of the new library books we picked up before dinner. Since it was a bit early for bed, I didn't mind reading more than the normal three books. I enjoy new books just as much as he does! And then into bed, prayers and cuddles. So sweet.

Our cat, Cooper, sleeps with Silas most nights. He jumped up to join our cuddle time and tickled Silas by "kneading dough" on his belly. It was hilarious. One of those cute little moments you are so glad you got to be part of and you never want to forget.

Here's an action sequence of our water play, starting with dousing himself with the hose...

...running wildly while wet...

...coming around...

...to laugh...

...and laugh some more!

Silas' Future Wife

We hope...

Seattle

We've just returned from a wonderful getaway to visit my dear friend, Faith, in Seattle. We couldn't have asked for a better visit, expect, perhaps, I wouldn't have had crazy swollen feet the first two days.

We were able to get a great deal on tickets (thanks, Priceline!), but couldn't fly at ideal times, so we asked my lovely family if they would watch Silas for us. Now you can see why this was such a great visit - not that travelling with our dear son wouldn't have been great, just not as deep and rewarding, and probably much more tiring.

Faith and I have been friends for so long and it is so lovely to spend time together. She is such a treasure. I don't deserve her. Since she married Phillip four years ago, our friendship has become the long distance kind, with weekend visits here and there and long chats on the phone when we had time. We were so blessed this visit with how well our husbands got along; it was the boys who stayed up the first night talking late! (The pregnancy really slowed me down this trip!) Phillip and Steve really had a great time together, which is such a blessing to us.

We ran around their lovely little town, checked out the military base Phillip is stationed at, and spent the Fourth of July enjoying downtown Seattle. We visited Pike's Market and the Space Needle and watched the fireworks in Bellevue accompanied by a live philharmonic orchestra. It was such a memorable holiday that we will never forget.

Journey With faith...

Originally drafted April 11, 2008

I am pregnant again. It is so wanted and yet it brings out so many difficult emotions. Joy and Fear are constantly fighting for my full attention and so I have found myself forgetting that I am even pregnant at times, perhaps as a coping mechanism.

I have had 2 ultrasounds showing a strong heartbeat and many blood tests showing good HcG and progesterone levels. This is quite different from the pregnancy I lost in September when there never was a heartbeat and my body just took a long time to recognize that it wasn't supporting a viable pregnancy. And so this time I have been guarded, protecting myself in case, God forbid, things might go in the same direction.

But this time is very differnt, and I am rejoicing because of it.

I went last week to see the doctor and felt as if I could finally exhale when I saw that beautiful heartbeat blipping away in a static field on the monitor. And as we were walking back to the exam room for a final consultation, I thought all was well. But then my doctor reviewed some addtional labwork and discovered something of concern: I have Anti-D antibodies present in my blood.

What are Anti-D antibodies and why would I be concerned? I am Rh negative and Steve, my dear husband, is Rh positive. If you recall from high school biology, there are different bloodtypes and some are compatible and some are not.

Sometime during my miscarriage my body recognized I was pregnant with an Rh Positive baby and my body converted and began producing anti-D antibodies. This means that my body may begin to produce more of these antibodies with this pregnancy which will cross the placenta into the baby's bloodstream and begin destroying the baby's blood cells. There is NOTHING that can be done to reverse this process. I felt completely defeated and hopeless upon receiving this news.

I called my mom that night, and she reminded me of the hope that is in Christ Jesus, that I can call on Him and He will answer me... She went on in faith for 20 minutes, building my faith and encouraging me not to give in to fear (I Peter 3:6). I went to bed that night with a resolve to feed my faith and not my fear and instead of lengthy internet searches on "anti-D antibodies", I read through Bible verses that spoke of God's promises to heal, hear, and protect those with FAITH.

The very next morning we were able to see a specialist and were very encouraged by our meeting with him. He basically confirmed that there is nothing that can be done to remove the anti-bodies, but he was very confident that I would be able to carry this baby to term with regular activity and some intervention if needed. The change in my heart was so amazing from Tuesday to Wednesday. I am confident that everything will be fine. I may have to jump through a few hoops in order to have a healthy baby, but I WILL GIVE BIRTH TO A HEALTHY BABY!!!

"Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome!" Nehemiah 4:14

And so I am rejoicing in the LORD and in his great mercy. He is faithful and good and I will not be afraid.

Score!

Since Silas was feeling a bit better this morning, I thought it would be nice to get out of the house. But where do you take a "contagious for 1 more hour" kid... Garage Sale-ing!!

Silas loves to go to garage sales. His eyes lit up when I made the suggestion this morning, and he scampered upstairs to get dressed. I packed lunch and snacks, and we headed out late, around 11:30. Not ideal for getting good deals, but we weren't really looking for anything, just trying to get off the couch.

We went to one neighborhood nearby that was having a community yard sale and had a great time browsing and finding "must haves". We came home with a bike tire inflater, metal bike rack for the garage (much needed as Silas bike is ALWAYS in the way), a white noise maker alarm clock for the nursery, a ten cent spinning top, some craft supplies, and Silas had a hotdog and limeade. We also got a vacuum with a retractable handle that is perfect for Silas, who has already vacuumed the dining room, his bedroom and ours. And I found a home of 2 teachers selling off a variety of thematic project books (Science, US History & Geography, Math) for "school at home" inspiration - notice I did not say for homeschooling, as I have no plans to take that on in the immediate future, but I wouldn't mind having resources for enhancing his educational experience in the future.

The big score of the day was the Eddie Bauer Travel System complete with car seat, stroller, two car bases, and cute winter snuggle blanket (much needed for my Thanksgiving baby), though now I'm wondering if the stroller is going to be too heavy. It was more than I wanted to spend, but I'm hoping to recoop some of that next weekend when I sell mine at our community yard sale. Silas is very excited to select things to sell of his own. I don't know if I'll let him keep the money, but I do have veto rights to prevent him from doing something rash like putting John Brown Dog up on the auction block!

Strep Throat

I am feeling like a big, fat jerk. Silas has been on again off again feeling yucky for almost 3 weeks. Most days he is fine - no fever, no sore throat complaints - just a normal, energetic 4 year old.

Last week he woke up with swollen glands on his neck - I mean REALLY swollen. I consulted my "Guide to Your Child's Symptoms" from the American Academy of Pediatrics and found that swollen glands without fever or other complaint should just be watched - call the pediatrician after 7 days. 7 DAYS?!? Well, if it can wait that long, it must not be anything serious. So on day 8 when he woke up feeling TOTALLY HORRIBLE (a very drastic change from the previous 7 days, but still, no fever), I called the doctor at 9:01 a.m. and had him seen at 10:15.

It turns out it is strep throat.

I texted Steve and he texted back, "I'm surprised. No fever, no tonsilar exudate!!" Those were the things I was looking for too. Fever and oozing stuff from his throat. He had neither. But the throat culture showed strep, and after 18 hours on an antibiotic, Silas is strikingly improved. So much for doctor mom. Or Doctor-doctor dad.

I'm just glad he's getting better and hopefully, we'll be able to go to his friends birthday party on Sunday. Perhaps another day of unlimited tv, books, cuddles and popsicles will bring back my perky little buddy.

John Brown Dog

Silas has a best friend. His name is John. He has short brown hair and brown eyes. They met last fall at Grammy's house and the connection was immediate. We were surprised by Silas' deep attachment as he had never showed such preference before, but given the timing (a month or two after the miscarriage) perhaps it filled a void.

For a few weeks, Silas was telling stories about an older brother named Sean. I'm pretty sure this was his way of dealing with the sudden absence of sibling discussions that had been flowing for some time. We had foolishly included him in our happy news as soon as we found out I was pregnant last fall, and when we got the devestating news that the baby had stopped developing at 6 weeks although my body hadn't figured it out yet as of 10 weeks, we had no idea how to reconcile it for ourselves, let alone for our sweet 3 year old.

And so we clammed up. God is merciful, and Silas seems to have handled things quite well on his own, and so we listened to stories about Sean, delicately showing interest while not encouraging it too much.

We were a bit relieved when he seemed to have latched onto this shaggy stuffed dog. It already held special significance for my mom as she had purchased it years before for her mom who at the time was dying from cancer. Grandma Myer had become very child-like, but never really took to the little brown dog as mom had thought she might. Grieving was very hard on mom, and she didn't have the heart to get rid of it. She just tucked him up in her closet to be dealt with another day.

So when Silas discovered it in her closet and asked to take it home, I made a BIG DEAL out of taking good care of Grammy's puppy and returning it to her after his sleepover. When we tried to return it the next day, Silas had grown so attached that mom was happy to give him a new home.

At first his name was just Brown Dog - Silas was new at "naming" and so he went for the obvious. While on vacation with Mom and Dad in January, a friend of theirs asked Silas if Brown Dog had a name. He thought for a minute and said "Sean". Then he seemed to remember that he had assigned that name to someone else, and so he quickly changed it to John. And so John it is.

John goes with us everywhere and holds a special place in my heart as well as his. He is Silas' playmate during the day and his champion in the night. He goes to the library, the grocery store and even was able to visit his preschool a few times. Every evening at bedtime, one of us is searching for the last place John was in play. I've noticed in the last several weeks that there have been nights that Silas has forgotten John, and I find him dicarded on the floor somewhere. I know he might be missed in the middle of the night, and so I slip him into Silas' bed and tip-toe back out.

Perhaps his need for John is coming to a natural end. There is a new baby on the way and his focus is shifting to his role as a big brother. (Needless to say, we waited until we were VERY safely out of the woods with this pregnancy to share the news with him, even though he had been asking about my growing tummy for weeks - I tend to show REALLY early, and I think I've educated him a bit too much about growing babies.)

I am grateful that mom didn't get rid of that little brown dog. He wasn't able to comfort a dying grandma, but he was able to come along side a confused little boy and bring joy and friendship, and for that John will always be cherished.

Pregnancy #3... First Trimester COMPLETE!!

Everything with my pregnancy is going well. I have officially made it through the first trimester and things are looking just like my pregnancy with Silas looked and NOTHING like the miscarriage in the fall - Praise God! It's funny, but it's taken me this long to really settle into begin pregnant! I just pulled out maternity pants on Sunday (and was comfortable for the first time in weeks!) I guess I wasn't rushing things so much, as one of the hardest things about the miscarriage was being in maternity clothes and NOT being pregnant.

I think I told you about meeting last month with the specialist from OSU and how we felt God's peace and comfort afterwards. Steve had a blood test while we were there to see if he was heterozygous or homozygous - basically whether he carried only positive factors (I don't know the actual term) or whether there was a 50-50 chance that this baby could carry a negative factor and thus not be affected at all by the anti-body senstitity. For some reason, we didn't get the results until just this week, but I am happy to report that he is heterozygous!!! Even though it's a small thing, it is an answer to prayer, giving me hope that this pregnancy will be uncomplicated and building my faith that God is in control and that he will watch over and keep this baby safe. I also had more blood tests on Friday and got the results yesterday that my levels have not changed AT ALL - another huge encouragement! So I am feeling tons of peace!

I recently came across this scripture from I Chronicles that has been encouraging me to stand strong: "Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles and the judgments he pronounced." (I Chron. 16: 11-12) I feel like I am able to look to God and that he is revealing himself to me in so many ways. He is in control and I can trust him.

We finally told Silas last week about the baby and he is THRILLED! Of course, the waiting is hard and I would have liked to have waited longer, but my belly has been popping out for weeks and I felt bad misleading him whenever he mentioned it. Here's how the conversation would go:
Silas: "Your belly's getting bigger, mom" said with a sly grin.
Me: "That's cause I eat too much. Your belly is getting bigger too. And so is daddy's."
Which resulted in him breaking out in giggles and allowed a quick change of subject for me. If only he didn't hang out in the bathroom when I'm in my skivvy's, it wouldn't be a problem.

Preschool Humor

Silas has discovered joke-telling as a way to be entertaining. His first real joke was a knock-knock joke and it was pretty cute:

"Knock-Knock"
"Who's There?"
"Cow Go"
"Cow Go Who?
"No, Cow's Go 'Moo'!"

Cute, right. But understanding why it's funny hasn't yet occured. So now Silas is into making up his own jokes, and they're not very funny. As one can imagine, what is funny to a preschooler, is usually nonsense to a grown-up.

At first, I was encouraging his efforts by laughing and telling him that he was funny, but with his recent spoiled-child behavior, I've decided to be more realistic about his attempts at joke writing. I explained that jokes are funnier when they make sense and that the way he was telling jokes were funny only to himself.

So he decided to tell himself a joke:

"Knock-Knock, Silas"
"Who's there?"
"Cowboys and Trees"
"Cowboys and Trees Who?
"Cowboys go 'blah tree boo ticka ree'" (or some other such nonsense)

And then he erupted into high-pitched forced laughter, apparently having cracked himself up. I hope we haven't started something new here.

When I was seven, my three-year-old brother, Stephen, learned his first joke. The first time he told it, my mom nearly wet herself with laughter, totally encouraging him to tell it again and again. And he did tell it again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again... you get the picture.

I grew so tired of that joke and all the attention my darling little brother received from telling his stupid joke again and again, as if he were the Little Emperor and could do no wrong. I resented him for being the favorite of the family and for coming along and stealing my thunder as youngest child.

And so I wonder what it will be like for Silas when another child comes into the family. Having been the middle child, I'm sure I will be sensitive to his feelings of de-thronement, while also reassuring him that he is still a special and loved member of our family. But I also am aware that he desparately NEEDS a sibling and that he will be a wonderful big brother, eventually. (Just as sibling rivalry eventually ceased between Stephen and me and now I can say I am very happy to have him as a younger brother - though it was pretty much constant fighting until I left for college!)

And what was Stephen's first joke?

Q: "Why did the elephant wear diapers to the party?"
A: "Because he didn't want to be a party pooper!"

It's really not that funny, is it.

Super Silas

Aunt Faith was here for a wonderful 5 day visit, during which she gave Silas and beautiful red satin cape, lined with fire trucks and dalmations, complete with a large felt "S". She asked for my permission first before giving it to him, in case he was in an obssessive stage in which in might wish to wear said cape everywhere. I assured her that he wasn't in such a stage, and felt pretty safe with that diagnosis as he has 2 capes already and we haven't had any problems.

But those weren't Super Silas capes. He has worn it all day every day since she gave it to him. One morning, an hour before he is usually out of bed, he stood by my bedside, completely dressed for the day, and asked for his cape. It's hilarious. And Faith keeps reminding me that she asked first.

And it makes him run faster. He has hand motions that begin each run. I love it. Because before long, he will be embarrassed. Before I know it, he'll be too cool. Before I'm ready, he'll have struggled with growing up himself and will decide to put his child's play aside and do more big boy things like sports or video games.

So if he wants to wear his cape to the grocery store, science museum, mall, church and mom's group, I'm okay with that. I will just smile at anyone who notices and make sure they know that the "S" stands for Super Silas.

I want to sell my birthday...

Silas' birthday this year was a little over produced, over stimulated, over booked and over dramatic. He was so excited that he barely slept and by mid-morning was exhausted and cranky. After several melt-downs, we actually contemplated cancelling everything in order to give him a much needed nap. We tried coaxing him into a better attitude by reminding him of all the fun we had planned, to which he responded, "I don't want it to be my birthday anymore. I want to sell my birthday."

Can you sell a birthday on Ebay, I wonder?

Acting like over-indulgent parents, we pressed on and rewarded a LOT of bad behavior with 2 parties. Yes, one at a local party house arcade, followed by a dinner party at our house for family.

Today we have worked on correcting all that went wrong. All of his presents are in Time-Out until further notice. He spent most of the day playing quietly in his room with a box of legos and some library books. And he was DELIGHTFUL. I think he just needed some strong discipline and a little less fan-fare.

Next year, we will keep it simple.

Why the drama?

For some reason I was wondering about sensationalism. Dictionary.com defines it as "subject matter, language, or style producing or designed to produce startling or thrilling impressions or to excite and please vulgar taste."

Vulgar taste. Why do we like things that are crude?Why do we crave drama? Why do we desire to hear the horrid details of someone's life? Why are we consumed by celebrity gossip? Are we that bored that we can't find better things to think about?

The apostle Paul writes in his letter to the Phillipians a list of things that one should think on. He writes:

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.

Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice.

And the God of peace will be with you."

Philipians 4:8-10

I imagine his instruction applied to those moments of our leisure time when we are mindlessly channel surfing and stop on some new reality TV show that is meant to appeal to our carnal nature. And we wonder why we have such little peace! We are thinking about all the wrong things.

And OH, BOY, look out if something dramatic happens to us or someone close to us! We are going to shout it from the mountain tops, sharing every tragic detail until our listener feels pain at hearing of our difficulty. So maybe we aren't that obnoxious, but we certainly would like for others to know the depth of our pain. There is such a fine line between sharing our lives with others and gossip, isn't there?

Proverbs 20:19 says, "A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much."

I guess the point I am trying to make is that we ought to spend less energy getting all the details of an event understood and more time finding the silver lining. We need to be careful about what we watch on TV, what crude things we fill our minds with and instead be content with Silence. And when something moves us deeply, our first reaction should be to lift it before the LORD and ask him to reveal His hand.

And sometimes we should be content to keep things to ourselves.

Knitting Portfolio

I've been wanting to post a few pictures of some of the things I've knitted lately, so here goes:

Here is Silas in the green sweater I knitted back in September. It is quite big on him, but I do think he likes it now. (The boo-boo on his chin is from our recent visit to a water park. He waded out into ankle deep water and dove in! He was NOT happy!)

A couple sets of slippers I made as a gifts.


Baby Hat made for my new nephew, Judah Stephen, who was born yesterday!


This sweater is not quite finished, although I hope to complete it by the end of the week. It is for my niece, Isabella, who turned 5 on Sunday. It is the same pattern that I used for Silas' sweater. I recently came across a pattern for a very cute asymmetrical cardigan and a cute shrug that I'm going to attempt next.

Beach treasures as determined by a preschooler...

This picture is from our trip to Florida in January. I loved watching my little boy discover digging in the sand, exploring the little treasures nature had left for him to discover.

Bad Breath...

Okay, so this isn't something I'm proud of, but I tend to have bad breath. And for as much as I tend to my oral hygiene, I really think it out to be better than it is.

The other day I was listening to Good Morning America Radio (on XM) and happened to catch Dr. Harold Katz discussing bad breath and it's causes. He mentioned sugar being a factor in feeding the sulfur producing bacteria that cause bad breath which live on the back of the tongue and in the sinuses. According to his research, mints and gum contain sweeteners and while they may mask a foul odor temporarily, they really will make matters worse by providing a buffet for the bacteria to feast on and therefore multiply. So the Altoid I had just popped in my mouth was actually doing more harm than good! Great! Now what?!?

Never fear, Dr. Katz has developed a product that will suffocate the bacteria rather than feed them: Therabreath. I went to CVS and purchased the oral rinse product immediately.


I'm not trying to be a mini-commercial for some product, but this stuff WORKS! It even eliminates morning breath! My husband is thrilled (as am I since he is using it too)!

I use only 1 capful once or twice a day, not the recommended 2 capfuls before brushing and after flossing, which in my mind will only help me go through his product faster, thus forcing me to buy it more frequently.

Dr. Katz also mentioned using products that contain essential oils like Tea Tree or Peppermint as they suffocate the bacteria rather than feed them, so I purchased a natural toothpaste at the health food store. It doesn't taste funny at all, so I'm happy to make the switch.

I am a little concerned about the safety of the Therabreath products as I am on a uber-natural quest to right all the wrong in my body, and I don't know how this will fit into the equation. But for now, I am confident that when reading to my dear preschooler, I will have sweet mommy breath and not that of a dragon!

Go Bucks!

Silas asked me to make him this backpack. It was a simple enough pattern and so while travelling to and from visiting family, I whipped it up. He chose the colors, much to the dismay of my dear husband whose family is all from Michigan. (Scarlet and Grey are the school colors of the Ohio State Buckeyes, Michigan's arch rivals).

He has yet to put anything in it or really carry it beyond posing for a picture. He wants me to make him a hat next - and I probably will even though there are no guarentees he will really wear it. I really enjoy the process more than the end result, and apparently, so does Silas.

Conspiracies and prophets

My mom has mentioned a couple of times a book she wanted to read, The Hundred Year Lie: How Food and Medicine Are Destroying Your Health. I picked up a copy at the library the other day and have flipped through it a bit. My dear cynical physician-husband has also flipped through it and has decided it is designed to promote fear and that it is not to be trusted completely. I see his point. The author makes many claims, and attaches a lengthy bibliography, but his sources are not the reliable unbiased types that I am now trained to look for.

While the author's objective is likely to inform his readers of many pitfalls which can be avoided, he is also trying to sell books, and fear sells. "What must I do to protect myself and my loved ones from the evil government and nasty doctors who are sabotaging our future? I better buy this book so I can find out." (Save yourself the $20 and get it from the library.)

I continually seek godly wisdom on health, and sometimes that comes from secular sources. But sometimes I feel paralyzed to eat anything for fear of doing damage. This book makes me question the organic foods that I have been enjoying as even they have been compromised. Everything is potentially harmful!

And this brings me to the word of the LORD:
God instructed Isaiah not to walk in the way of the people saying,

"You are not to say, 'It is a conspiracy!' In regard to all that this people call a conspiracy, and you are not to fear what they fear or be in dread of it.

It is the LORD of hosts whom you should regard as holy. And He shall be your fear, and He shall be your dread. Then He shall become your sanctuary..."

Stop for a moment and drink that in. Isn't that powerful. God will be our sanctuary, our protection, or hiding place. I am grateful to be one of His children, to be able to enter under his care. He still speaks today, even through and ancient prophet.

Tranquility

I'm instituting (again) a limit on TV time for preschool Silas. I don't know how it happens, but things start to slide and the next thing I know he has full access to TV all the time. Not that I think TV is all bad, it's just that he becomes a very different little boy - one that whines and very rarely obeys right away.

Today is Sunday, and on Sunday's I like for the whole family to nap. Daddy is working nights, so he was already in bed. Silas was tuckered out from a big breakfast at Bob Evans and church, but first he wanted to watch some TV. I allowed him to "spend" all 3 of his TV tickets (30 minutes each), and after his videos were over, he also took a nap.

By evening I was beginning to waver. Daddy left for work at 6:30 and I wanted so badly to turn the TV on and spend the evening lazily vegging out on the couch. Since Silas took a nap, I had about 3 hours post-dinner to occupy before he realistically would go to bed. I wanted to pass the time with my little boy in a fun and creative way, and as I paused to plan my next move, inspiration came moment by moment.

We painted, we danced, and then I got the best idea of the evening: I was inspired to have a little tea party. Yes, little boys can enjoy tea time just as much as little girls. I found an Asian style tea pot and cups that I have never used, but have always really loved and an exotic tea that was gifted to me by Faith but was always too special for just any occasion. And we sat and we sipped. We dunked tea biscuits. We talked. We laughed. And it ended with a sweet little kiss.

Did I really want to play and be creative? Not really, but I'm glad I did, and we had a lovely evening.

Endocrine Disruptors...

We eat mostly all organic meats and dairy to avoid hormones given to animals. I peel or diligently wash all conventional produce to remove residual pesticides. No trans fats. No high fructose corn syrup. I am careful about carbohydrates cooked about 250 degrees to limit my intake of acrylamide.

But I haven't looked much at my beauty routine, until recently. With just a little research, I've become aware of the many environmental factors that affect our reproductive system. I hope to make some changes to my own beauty routine to restore God's intended harmony.

Age management doctors are using bioidentical hormones given to patients in cream form applied to the skin to regulate hormone-loss due to aging. The face is one of the best places for absorbtion because of the many capillaries on the face, the same capillaries that cause us to blush. I have known this for about a year, but didn't make a connection to my own hormone issues before.

This week I began investigating organic body care items, lotions in particular, to evaluate the benefits over conventional products. What I found has really got me thinking.I have been using sunblock year round for several years now and a very basic moisturizer at night. I thought those were good things but now realize while these are good for the appearance of my skin they are perhaps bad for my body overall. And it seems some scientist agree.

The World Wildlife Fund has documented many instances of reproductive abnormalities increasing in nature. They attribute this rise to the many toxins that various industries release into the wild. They call these toxins "endocrine disruptors" as they interfer with the delicate balance of hormones in the body, known as the endocrine system.

I am still doing research. I wish I had a time machine as I feel like someday so many of the things we think of as "safe" will be labeled toxic. Remember Queen Elizabeth and her lead based face paint?

Some websites to explore:
Danger: What In The World Are You Putting On Your Skin
Human Exposure to Plastics
Does the dose makes the poison?

Idle words...

What would Jesus say if he stubbed his toe?

That was the question that came up today at mom's group. It's funny, but it's also important in our everyday lives as we are supposed to be like Christ, and yet we so often stumble when it comes to what we say in the moment of aggravation and frustration.

Frustration seems to be a part of everyday life, no matter how spiritual we are. Like when the kitchen floor has just been mopped and your son spills milk every where. Or when you haven't slept 8 straight hours in a row since the birth of your preschooler and you have less patience than you ought. When the barrel of your life is bumped or tips over, what you're filled with will spill out. So what spilled out of Jesus?

It seems to me that the words we are releasing in a moment of tension are idle words. What does the Bible say about idle words. A quick search on Biblegateway.com reveals the words of Isaiah 58:13-14 :

"If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight and the LORD's
holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way
and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,

then you will find your joy in the LORD,
and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land
and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob."
The mouth of the LORD has spoken.

So there is a reward to "not doing as you please or speaking idle words." We all like rewards. And this reward is a good one - You will find joy in the Lord. That's pretty cool. We all want JOY, but God promises we will FIND joy.

But did Jesus give us an example to live by, afterall, he was "God with skin on". Searching "Jesus frustrated" or "Jesus annoyed" doesn't give us anything. I'll keep working on this and let you know soon.

D-Clutter Me!

I am on a mission! It is so refreshing to comb through the clutter and live a more organized life! I picked up Peter Walsh’s new book It’s All Too Much: An Easy Plan for Living a Richer Life With Less Stuff from the library and I am so inspired!

(By the way, if you are not a library enthusiast, consider using the library instead of purchasing books. I’m sure the major book sellers would cringe, but I have read so many wonderful books that I would never have spent the money on. And I’m even convincing my book lover husband to explore the library before buying. We still buy some books, but not as many and we really enjoy reading lots of cool stuff for free! Not to mention - less stuff to store around the house!)

I am not a hoarder by nature, but I did inherit some hoarding tendencies. I still have dried roses that my husband gave me when we were dating – some almost 13 years old! And they aren’t just buried in the basement either. No, there is a serving bowl full in one of my kitchen cabinets, right behind mugs and coffee filters, stuff I use everyday. Here is 13 year old trash eating up prime storage space, all because I am emotionally attached to them. Or rather I was attached to them. I plan to pitch them as soon as I complete this post!

But it’s the lazy clutter that gets me most: the stuff that I had intended to do something with but just set down somewhere for the time being. Suddenly it begins to accumulate, and then it becomes a part of the landscape and I don’t see it anymore. I know I’m not alone here but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to work on it. So I’m on a mission to go around and look at what I’m ignoring and deal with it. It is taking a long time, but I hope that by spring, I’ll be a new woman!

(And I stopped and threw out those roses already! I feel so liberated!)

Silas and Mommy...

I love my little boy. He is such a blessing. The preschool Silas is by far my favorite so far. I don't want to wish him older, but I do enjoy each new accomplishment so much.

(This delightful smile was coerced by telling him NOT to smile. If only he was eager to please. Still, this is one of my favorite pictures to date.)

A healthy perspective for the holidays

The holidays are over and life is slowly returning to normal. Almost all the Christmas decorations are put away and most of Silas's new toys have been assembled.

Everyone seems to ask, "How was your holiday?", to which I reply, "Very nice, thank you. How was yours?" But if we really were to lift the veil, I would stop and say, "It was wonderful. Truly pleasant. One of the better ones so far." Isn't that nice. That the truth is actually better than the pat answer?

Back in November, I felt my inner Scrooge coming out for his season of gloom, and I decided I wasn't going to give in this year. I realized that the gift giving on the season is what seems to get me the most. Finding the "perfect gift" for everyone who has everything. And deep down, I really don't want to. I don't want to add to the clutter of the already overstuffed. I don't want to try to impress the hard to impress.

And that's when I realized the root of my unhappiness: I was trying to impress my loved ones and be congratulated for another success. This is very different from giving someone a gift to show them how much I love them. One is focused on me, the other on them.

With a very slight shift in perspective, my holiday shopping days were no longer harried and frustrating. I still did lots of research to find good gifts, but I didn't fantasize about the moment when I would swell with pride after seeing the gift opened. Instead, I thought of my love for that person, praying for them to be blessed. It is such a small thing, but it made such a difference.

And so I would say my holiday was lovely and simple. Not that I wasn't at the mall every other day. Not that I didn't stay up late wrapping, cleaning, cooking. Believe me, I did.

Yet somehow, it still seemed simple.

And blessed.

Christmas 2007

We had a lovely Christmas day, rather calm considering years past. We really kept it simple this year and it was so nice. Silas was thrilled to have multiple presents to open, but we made his pile very obvious to keep the "is there any more" questions limited. He got a few cheap presents in his stocking from Santa, but I don't think it mattered too much to him this year. We read loads of books about St. Nicholas leading up to the holiday, so I think the excitment of Santa was toned down for him. I don't want to be legalistic, but I also don't want to lie to my child, so we're taking the "let's pretend" approach. I think it's fun to pretend Santa brings gifts, but I don't necessarily think you have to all out lie in order to have that fun. It's a year-by-year evolution for us; I'm sure more will develop next year.

Projects...

I've just returned from visiting my very dearest friend in the whole world, Faith. She moved to Seattle last winter and all summer long I was hoping to make a trek out with Silas to see her. Unfortunately, it took a major life tragedy for me to realize that I needed to see my bestest friend. It was wonderful!

And she is sooooo organized! I came away not only with a renewed spirit and refreshed soul, but also with the motivation to organize and finish projects that I've started. I have since reorganized my kitchen cabinets, cleared off my counters so that I actually have usable counter-top space, straightened the pantry, decluttered the hall closet, sorted Silas' closet and packed away his too small clothes as well as listed some of his things that were never worn on Craig's List... I'm on a mission!

It feels so good to declutter. How does it all accumulate so fast? Why do I feel that everything is so important that it can't be parted with? Why don't I set aside time to do this on a regular basis?

Stay tuned... more coming!

Knitting to Cope

Well, here's a little update, and a partial reason why I haven't been much of a blogger. I have been knitting a ton lately, but not just to pass time. It has also been therapy, filling my need to create something.

For those who haven't talked to me in the last few months, I was pregnant. We were trying. We were thrilled. All was well. I went in for a routine check-up at 10 weeks only to receive the most dreaded words from my doctor:

"I'm afraid it doesn't look good."

Instead of seeing a 10 week old baby actively moving about, there was a nearly empty uterus with an inactive "fetal pull" measuring only 6 weeks.

I was devastated. We had already told Silas (we had no reason to think we shouldn’t), making a huge deal out of it, and now what would we say to him? It was too much.

Our options were to wait for my body to recognize that it was not supporting a viable pregnancy and miscarry naturally, or to speed it up with drugs or surgery. We chose to wait a bit to see if there could be any mistake. Three ultrasounds and a second opinion later, I went in for surgery.

In waiting nearly three weeks, I could feel the weight of the gloom and despair crushing my spirit. I had little energy to be a mom, but thankfully, I am already blessed with a beautiful, healthy, and highly energetic three year old boy who deserves more from me than depression has to offer. We are not a family who keeps the TV on all day, but I felt a little entitled to that luxury given my situation, so with Silas happily watching another episode of “The Backyardigans”, I sat beside him knitting.

Knitting brought me such comfort during that time. In 12 days, I completed a moss green rolled neck pullover sweater for my first born. I would post a picture of him wearing it here if my little blessing would only put it on. He was quite happy to leave me alone while I was making it for him, but the first time he tried it on, he decided he didn’t like it because it was too big and since refuses to wear it. Of course, I did make it a little big – one doesn’t make something that takes THAT much time in the perfect size for a little person growing at such an alarming rate. But that is logic too sophisticated for a three year old.

And so, the sweater has been put away. It doesn’t really hurt my feelings much, as it represents something sacred anyway. I now understand what David meant when he said, “You knit me in my mother’s womb.” Knitting is a slow craft. Each and every stitch is placed with love, and carefully, a garment begins to unfold. It cannot be hurried or you might drop a stitch. It cannot be done absent-mindedly or you might miss an important step in the pattern. It must be done with intent and with skill. And this is the image we’re given of a God who carefully creates each and every one of us. This is the God in whom I can trust when I am pregnant again and the flood of worries creep in.

I am still healing. It will take time, but my faith is being renewed. God is good.

Coconut Oil

I have a new favorite item: Coconut oil! I use it to saute` vegtables, bake zucchini bread, and I use it on my face and hands as a moisturizer! It doesn't get any better than this!

I have to give credit to Betsy for starting me on the coconut oil craze. She peaked my interested when she said she rubs solid coconut oil onto her skin in place of sunblock. I haven't been able to find any research to give me an SPF rating, but there is historical evidence that it has protected Pacific Islanders from the harsh rays of the sun for years. Of course, these people also have more melanine in their skin, so it's difficult to give all the credit to coconut oil without any research to back it up. My skin is on the fair side, and I'm afraid I will still get too much sun through a thick layer of coconut oil, but it is my favorite night time moisturizer.

It takes a little getting used to as it is solid at room temperature but melts at 76 degrees. So when baking, I melt the coconut oil first, but as soon as I add the cold eggs to it, it coagulates. The texture changes with each added ingredient until the final batter looks pretty normal and the end result is the same, but better. Coconut oil is supposed to be very healthy for you, unlike vegetable oils.

Here's the skinny on the fats:
Coconut oil is a medium chained saturated fat, and even though most saturated fats are bad, a medium chained one somehow is not. It is used in formulas for infants as well as liquid nutrition for critically ill patients. Surely, there must be some good science out there to promote giving it to the most vulnerable of society! It also contains lauric acid which is only found in mother's milk - making it a perfect food for infants.

Also, it doesn't change it's healthy qualities when heated. Olive oil is very good for you in it's extra virgen unheated state, but loses many of it's health benefits once heated. So I saute in coconut oil and before serving, toss in fresh olive oil.

If nothing else, it's just fun to eat your beauty products. :)

We need each other...

I'm inspired to blog a bit after reading the blog of a dear friend (her blog is private or else I would have linked it here.) I am reminded how much we need each other, espeically when the "we" is of the stay-at-home-mom variety.

We moms get such little value by society. It's incredibly lonely when you think you're the only one who is dealing with such and such right now. And even though on some level we know that we're not the first to deal with a blow-out swim diaper 20 minutes into your afternoon at the pool, it doesn't make it any more fun to clean up. But having another mom come in while your finishing up and acknowledge how yucky that just was makes all the difference.

I am so blessed with an amazing group of moms at my church. Their companionship is invaluable to me. Just knowing that there are so many other women who feel just as I do at times is such a comfort. And witnessing a new mom to the group feel their warmth and acceptance is priceless.

And God has orchestrated so many amazing women to bless and encourage me on this journey that I couldn't possibly list them all, but I think I'll try...

Thank you, Faith, Keri, Cara, Melissa, Beth, Erin, Betsy, Gina, Shannan, Lydia, Jill, Deb, Nicole, Karen, Elizabeth, Audra, Juhee, Marcy, Kim, Julie, Beth, Cynthia, Jeni, Lynn, Jen, Ruth, Kellie, Miranda, Tiffany, Jessica, Cari, Ami, Anne... You are each as ministers of God to me, teachers of the Law, Rabbis of old, unlocking mysteries through your open lives. Thank you.

London Trip

Our first day started late, coming in on a red-eye flight didn't quite settle well with the whole group. I am notorious for my insomnia, so I function very well on very little sleep, but that is not the case for any of the in-law kids - my-Steve, Rachel, and Amy are all sleep-addicts! So after a bit of rest, we all headed to the Tower of London, with barely enough time to see it all. We were too late for any of the guided beefeater tours, but we did get to see the Crown Jewels with no crowds - a nice treat for the Lindsay clan. And Rick Steves guidebook gave a good description of what we were seeing - the 530 carat diamond that was just one of nine stones cut from the largest diamond ever found, over 3000 carats - is in the center of the Sovereign's Scepter - we never would have appreciated that fully with good ole Rick. (Rick came along on all our adventures, so I really did act as tour guide for most of the trip. I have to admit, I was a little nervous about being "in charge" of my family, but I had done my homework, so it all went very smoothly. )

After the Tower, we took a river cruise up the Thames to Westminister Pier, snapped some lovely pictures of Big Ben, then had dinner at the Red Lion pub - rather good for English food.

We were up early every day, hitting it hard all day long. We were the first group into to Westminister Abbey on our 2nd day - lunched in St. James park on sandwiches, then visited the Churchill War Museum. It was so cool to see the actual room where Churchill commanded the Allied troops during WWII. I've never been a war buff, but ever since "Saving Private Ryan", I feel more of a duty to understand as much as I can about our grandparents generation and the sacrifices they made on our behalf. Learning about the "Blitz" means so much more to me now that I've seen beautiful chapels at Westminsiter Abbey that were nearly destroyed by the night after night bombing that went on for a year. From here we walked to Buckingham Palace then caught a bus to the British Museum. We spent considerable time in the Parthenon galleries. Vin, did you all think it funny that Lord Elgin had taken the marble panels and justified it as preserving art and history? Sure, that may have been the case in 18-whatever when he took them (lots of treasure seeking tourists removing a bit of some priceless artifact - even my papaw claims to have a piece of the Blanery Stone in his fireplace!), but that's not the reason to keep them today! It should be interesting to see how this little drama plays out.

Saturaday morning we got up early, again, this time to see a true street market at opening time. We chose the Portobella Road market in Notting Hill - but probably should have gone to the Camden Lock Market. Portobello was dull, with no good deals to be found. We left early and were at Harrod's by 11:00 - did a quick canvas of the place, but as Vin said, it's really just a department store, so after an overpriced and not very exciting lunch, we headed to Kensington Palace to see the Diana Exhibit. It was fun to see the dresses I had admired in pictures; the dark velvet gown she wore when she visited the White House and danced with John Travolta was one of my favorite. And the portraits and audioguide were well worth the price of admission.

Saturday night we saw the Blue Man Group - the theater was very intimate and the audience participation was suprisingly hilarious. At one point, I was laughing so hard that I just stopped, felt guilty that I had stopped, but realized that my face was hurting again so I had to stop, and then started laughing again. So much fun!

On Sunday morning Steve and I tried to attend a Vineyard Church plant, but here my research failed me. I should have called them before showing up at the address, as it turned out to be an apartment building and most likely the address of the pastor. Opps. But it did get us down to Bankside early on Sunday, so after a short time of prayer and Bible reading by the Thames, we strolled along the Jubilee Walk, passing the Clink Museum (the old prison where we get the phrase"thrown in the Clink"), City Hall, and stopping for a tour of the new Shakespeare's Globe Theater. Steve had to be convinced that this replica wasn't a total waste of time, but I didn't want to back down here again, so I dragged him in. It would have been more fun to see it while watching one of the bards' plays, but, alas, the season hadn't started yet so we had to do with our guided tour. We then ate fish and chips at a pub in front of the Tate Modern (we didn't go in even though it was on the itinerary), and then walked across the Thames on the Millenium Bridge. We hopped on the tube to Piccadilly Circus for more site-seeing, grabbed some ice cream and then wandered on to Trafalgar Square and toured the "Monet to Picasso" exhibit at the National Gallery. I had no idea that I like Van Gogh so much, but his works were by far my favorite! Then we popped into St. Martin-in-the-Fields church where a choir was rehearsing for the final service before closing for extensive remodeling until September. The acustics reminded me of Hughes Auditorium, but on a more intimate scale. I can see why so many wonderful classical pieces are recorded there!

We rejoined the group Sunday night and had dinner at a french restuarant (per Stephen's request, who was tired of bad English food), and i tried raw oysters for the first time. I was surprised that I like them! From there, we walked back to Trafalgar Square and took pictures by the Lions, though it was dark so I doubt they will turn out. Then Amy needed a bathroom, so we ended up in a bar and had a drink and I got my groove on down in the basement dance club.

On Monday we scheduled a private tour guide to take us to see Stonehenge and Bath - what a disaster! It was the one day that I thought would be delightful and easy to enjoy, but instead it was by far the most frustratingly annoying days of the entire trip! It really wasn't that bad, but just very disappointing as there were so many awesome things to see in Bath. The problem was our tourguide. She either doesn't like her job or really likes being rude to Americans - something it seems many elitist Europeans feel entitted to do. (We ran into a few more of these people along the trip, but she was by far over the top!) We got off to a bad start as a couple of us (me included) showed up with cups of coffee and snacks to nourish ourselves on our 6 hours in the car. Without welcoming us to our tour and oh, I'm sorry, we don't allow food in the vehicle, she very nastily told us off and then ordered us to dispose of the contraband and load up. Mom gets very car sick in cars and always has to sit in front, but she was actually trying to get one of us to ride up front with her so she wouldn't have to! Our favorite comment of the day was, "You all would make Hitler proud" referring to the 4 of us women and our blond hair. Nice. She did warm up a bit after she had half a pint at lunch and I'm sure we surprised her when we handed her a 40pound tip (Dad made us each cough up 10p and let me tell you, I did NOT want to. He said it would be a good witness, blah, blah!)

Bath was beautiful, I only wished we had had more time there. We got trapped at the Roman Baths behind hoards of locals as Monday was a bank holiday and everyone was off. The JaneAusten Centre was my desired destination for our time in bath and I barely had enough time to do it justice. I will just have to go back to Bath and do it right. Thankfully, the weather had cleared by the time we got there as it had been cold and rainy for our visit to Stonehenge - I really didn't think much of Stonehenge. Having been to some amazing pre-western pyramids in Latin America, I'm sorry but a few rocks in a circle were not that impressive.

(Nearly done with the blow-by-blow trip details - are you still hanging in there?? I started this 10 days ago and have had little time to stop since I've been home, so be happy I'm not just writing, "It was a good trip. We had fun." Okay?)

Mom and dad, Stephen & Rachel and Steve and I started our last day at St. Paul's Cathedral. Dusty and Amy stayed at the hotel as Amy had a migraine; Dusty ended up at the Imperial War Museum by himself for 4 hours. I guess maybe he started getting into museums after all! We climbed all 434 steps (plus 12 for me - I wasn't going to go up to the 3 rd level, so I headed back down, only to be talked into going up to the top, adding 12 steps onto the 434 total!) From St. Paul's, Mom and dad did the Victorian and Albert Museum and another trip to Harrods (not sure why). And Stephen and Rachel went with Steve and me to Windsor and Oxford. We weren't really planning to go to Oxford, but Steve REALLY wanted to go, so we hopped another train and took a guided Oxford hop-on-hop off tour. We had dinner at the Eagle and Child which was VERY yummy, surprisingly. Windsor Castle was just beautiful and the weather was completely perfect. Our favorite thing was the Queen Mary Dollhouse - a perfect replica of Buckingham Palace given to the Queen as a present from her people. I've always loved miniture things.

Wednesday morning, we left our hotel at 5:30 a.m. and really only slept about 2 hours that night. We got through security at London Healthrow and crashed a little - steve did some shopping and I had one last treat from Eat, my favorite London to-go food store that offered fresh sandwiches, croissants, coffee, and all other yummy FRESH healthy delicious thing you can imagine. Unfortuntantely, our fatigue caught us a little off guard and we didn't realize that we left something VERY important at the security check point: Steve's laptop. When we got to JFK and had to go through security again, Steve opened his brief case to put his laptop through the x-ray machine and it wasn't there. He had left it in London. He had insisted on bringing an extra carry-on and so he had just too many things to keep track of and he simlpy forgot to pick it up. It is 17 days since we returned and he still hasn't gotten it back - they did find it, but it has been a nightmare getting it shipped back. We have never tried to import something before, so we don't know if FedEx is being ridiculous or if this is just what we should expect.

An update on the vegan thing...

I realized that it was exactly one year ago today that I began my experiment to shift our family's meat centered diet to a meatless one. I suppose it's time to record how the year went.

After reading the China Study referred to in last year's blog, I decided to conduct my own experiment. I have a family history of heart disease and my own cholestoral was high, so I wanted to see how eating no animal proteins would affect me. My doctor agreed to check my cholesterol on my regular meat eating diet and then to check it again after 30 days on a vegan diet. The results were profound. My total cholestoral was lowered 49 points in just 30 days! That significant outcome caused me to seriously consider the role of animal proteins in our diet.

Of course, this new way of eating would affect the whole family, so at a well-visit with our son's pediatrian, I asked for her advice. She was very kind in advising me; she didn't roll her eyes or argue the merits of meat. She strongly suggested daily consumption of yogurt and a variety of fruits and vegetables. Silas tends to not each much meat as it is, so I had already discovered the merits of Morning Star Farms Chik Nuggets and Corn Dogs. I have to admit that we're still not as balanced as I'd like, but he sees us eating a variety of foods that I wasn't accustomed to preparing.

We are NOT a vegan family. I do think it is a wonderful lifestyle choice for some people, but at this point in our lives, it is not for us. After praying about whether or not to continue the vegan way of eating, I remembered God's promise to the people of Israel to give them a land flowing with "milk and honey". And that is where my faith stepped in to calm the storm within me. My Lord created milk as well as meat for human consumption. If He intended for us to eat it for our benefit - in fact, for a reward - then perhaps it isn't something I should avoid as detrimental to my health. Perhaps it's not just what we eat, but how much we eat!

So what kind of foods to we eat now? Dinner is no longer centered around meat! I have a few favorite vegetables that I always keep in my frig, and I have a variety of ways to prepare them. I do occassionaly cook chili with organic ground sirloin as a treat for Daddy, who still eats whatever he wants outside of the home. And when I'm out, I order meat dishes a couple times a week. Protein is an important building block for young children, so I offer eggs, nitrate-free turkey slices, Hebrew National hotdogs, and such to Silas.

I'm really not as good about preparing meals at home as I would like to be because of our schedule. When we do have a meal at home, we usually sit together at the island rather than at the dinner table, and Silas usually eats a modified version of what we're eating, like plain noodles without sauce. (Barilla Plus is a wonderful pasta option packed with 17 grams of protein per serving as well as 360 mg of Omega 3's and 7 grams of fiber!) After reading Take the Fight out of Food, I trust him to get the nutrition that he needs while I continue to offer a variety of healthy options. But I could still do better...

Silas Turns 3!!!!

My little boy is now 3! Isn't that amazing! And overnight, he is becoming a preschooler instead of a toddler. It's unbelievable. When I got Silas out of bed, I told him it was his birthday and he was very excited. We had been reading several books about birthdays from the library (Curious George, Buzzy, Clifford) and so he had an idea of what to expect. I was concerned that he might be disappointed that his birthday was going to be rather quiet, so before going to bed, I put out one "Diego, Dora, Boots" mylar balloon from the grocery store, and daddy hung up one pathetic little streamer. Silas was so thrilled to see his balloon and decorations that I got about 9 spontaneous hugs, followed with a heart-felt, "Thank you for my decorations!" It will be one of my favorite memories of motherhood.

Daddy had to work the majority of the day, so we let Siley open presents first thing, which is a GREAT way to start a birthday! We went with a sports theme and got him a baseball & mitt, a tea-ball set, mini-football, and mini-soccer ball. He now wants to play catch in the house, and has been winging his baseball (it's a real ball, not a plastic, lightweight stand-in) all around the house. I'm finding myself flinching every time he wants to play catch. It'll be better when it warms up again and we can play outside in the backyard.

We spent the rest of the morning at the children's science museum we go to once a week, and after his nap we headed over to my parent's house for cupcakes. Mom and Dad flew home on his birthday and were too overwhelmed to plan ahead a get-together on Silas' actual birthday because the week before their basement had flooded 4 inches and this would be the first they had seen it. They found out about it while we were still visiting them in Florida and it was distressing them to not be there to take care of it. They did have someone come in and take out the carpet and drywall, along with all of their things so that it didn't sit and mold for a week, but it was still depressing them and they were not in the party spirit.

They welcomed me over to hang out in a casual, low-key way, so I offered to bring Chinese and cupcakes and that was that. But then one aunt and his favorite (and only) cousin wanted to see Silas and she offered to pick up Chinese from her favorite place and then we called his other aunt to see if she wanted to come eat with us, and before we knew it, we were in full blown party mode, with all 10 of us around the dinner table (the men all joined from work), singing "Happy Birthday" to Silas whose smile made it very clear that he was drinking in the celebration before him. It was so incredibly precious, and I am so blessed that it worked out so wonderfully for him to have such a special day.

Woo hoo, Mom!

I had just loaded Silas up in the car after a nice workout at the gym, and was trying to pull out of my parking space to head home. I pulled back as one normally would, but realized that I was in a "tight spot" thanks to the Isuzu trooper parked along the curb behind me. People can be incredibly selfish sometimes. Rather than go to the parking garage to find an open spot, some people will just make their own parking spaces where ever they like, including the curb behind my SUV.

So I inched forward and tried again. And again. I was getting a little frustrated and Silas started asking, "what are you doing, mom?" Like, "why are you backing up and pulling forward, mom, why don't you just leave?" So I told him that I couldn't because someone was not being nice and parked behind us so that mommy had to work extra hard to get out.

Finally, after inching back and forth for a couple minutes, I was able to squeeze my way out and leave the parking lot. Silas from the back seat threw his hands in the air and shouted, "Woohoo, Mom! You did!"

It was all worth it for that little pat on the back from my hilarious little boy.

Knitting...

How many hobbies can one have? I seem to be on a quest to find out. Actually, I think I'm like most people who dabble in one thing and then leave off as life picks up somewhere else.

Recently, I've started knitting. Someone in my mom's group asked if anyone knew how to knit and Ruth, one of our Brits, offered to teach her along with anyone else who wanted to come. So we've been meeting the last several weeks at her house after the kids go to bed (hers go to bed early!) for a cuppa and some chatting and some knitting. It's been quite fun! I'm almost done with my first project, a charcoal grey shrug. Actually, the shrug is done, but I want to add a collar bit to the back. I'll post a picture when it's done.

But I realize that this blog was a hobby for a period of time and that I missed it a bit. I'm thinking maybe I should not worry so much about offending anyone with my nutty food issues and invite my friends to be a part of my thoughts. I'm thinking about it. I haven't decided just yet.

Say it nicely...

Silas learned when he was very young the power of "please" - he often makes a curt demand and then slaps a "Please" onto it when I give him a look or prompt him with "how do we ask?" But I'm no longer satisfied with just having the right words; I'm now working on the tone in which it's delivered.

How does one go about addressing tone in an almost 3 year old?

A few weeks ago, Silas woke up grumpy and wanting to watch tv. I told him that he could if he could give me a smile. He gave me the most pathetically awful smile I've ever seen. He completely lacked the heart for a warm smile but was at least obedient, so I honored his obedience and let him watch tv. Then in the afternoon, he was still a grump and wanted me to carry him up the stairs. He's 40 lbs. now and those stairs are steep, so I told him he had to give me a big smile. He gave me another exaggerated bearing of the teeth in place of a smile that hit my funny bone and sent me into a good long laugh. I was so weak with laughter that I couldn't carry him. I asked for a few more smiles just to keep the laughter going as I was in need of a reason to laugh that day.

So this has become my new mode of attitude adjustment for my preschooler. When he asks for something, I make him say it nicely and with a smile. Sometimes he gives me the same exaggerated smiles that lack heart, but somehow that contortion of the face produces a small change in his attitude and when i give him the nice way to ask for milk "Did you mean to say, 'May I please have milk, Mommy?'" in a syrupy sing-song voice, it often produces a true smile that warms my heart... and his.

Do Justice, Love Mercy & Walk Humbly With Your God

That was the theme of the Women's Conference I attended this past weekend. Amazing. I was reminded again that we are to be the Hands and Feet of Christ, not just his mouth. It's so easy to say we will pray for someone in a situation, but most of us don't want to get involved if we can help it. How did we get here? When did we begin justifying that God only meant that bit about feeding the hungry for missionaries and pastors?

There's much more to say here, but I'm still in process...

I'm Back!

Okay, I know only 3 people even know about this blog's existence, let alone check it, but I felt the need to go public again. I don't have tons to say right now, but I need to re-establish my presence as my blog name was nearly stolen due to the inactivity of this blog! Can you believe it!

So, to make sure this blog is not a total waste of your time, I'll include a picture of the golden child. Enjoy!

Holiday Update 2006

I finally felt my inner Scrooge dying as I actually looked forward to the holidays this year! Silas was so much fun, talking about his stocking and the kind of presents he wanted - "blue presents". I don't know why blue, but that was what he wanted in his stocking. We didn't make a big deal out of the Santa thing - I think we have another year before we have to really address that one. I don't see the need to have him believe, but everyone I talk to seems to think I'm just nuts or incredibly mean to not make it a big deal. I don't want him to be the kid who ruins it for someone else's kid either, so we're still up in the air on that one. What are you going to do?

There are a couple quotes my family is throwing around after our gift exchange with them. The first is, "A present? For MEEEE?" in a very sweet, excited little voice. He said this with almost every present he received all 3 days (we celebrated on the 23rd with Jim and Helen, the 24th with my family and the 25th just the 3 of us). The other cute little Silas-ism is "I made this for you, I did" when he handed each of his aunts and uncles and grandparents a pompom ornament that we crafted together. It doesn't look as cute when it's typed into an email, but it was so darling that we made sure we got him saying it on video. He was so proud of himself, even if he wasn't as helpful while making the craft as I had hoped. :)

We had snow on Tuesday this week and so I took Silas out to play in it a bit. It was really a heavy dusting that melted by noon, but I dressed him in his full snowsuit just for fun. I'll send you the pictures when I get a moment, hopefully this evening. We made minature snow people, which he enjoyed smashing on the patio (that has to be a boy thing.

Then I introduced him to eating snow - I couldn't resist, but now I wish I had. Six hours later he woke from his nap and began vomiting! YUCK! I was covered in vomit, as was his beautiful chair in his room and the entire bathroom! It was so gross! I'm sure my character has been somehow strengthened by the whole thing, but I wouldn't wish that on anyone! He may not have picked it up from the snow, although that was what mom and dad were convinced it was. He was in church Saturday night and Sunday morning, so he very easily could have picked up something there, and I also had taken him to the drop-in day-care at mall, so he could have gotten something there too. But today, at mom's group, I learned that another kid from Silas' Saturday night class also got a stomach virus, so I'm assuming it was the nursery and NOT eating snow, which makes me feel better. He is just today starting on regular food and I'm so leery of feeding him anything!

No more Foofoo's for Silas

Silas hasn't been napping this week. Here's the story in a nut shell: I noticed on New Year's Eve as I was trying to work on his cute lisp that his front teeth don't touch! He has an open-bite! I tried not to scare him as I was dealing with my shock from this realization. He had a routine check-up on Thurs, the 4th, and his pediatrician made it plain that it was time to get rid of the pacifier. And just that morning, when I went to get him up, he had 5 of his fufus lined up next to him in the crib and he was reading a book to them. They are like little friends to him!

We made a scheduled stop at the library after the doctor's appointment to reward Silas with new books for being so good, and I ran into my neighbor, Lynn (Ryan and Evan's mom). I told her my dilemma and she said that Evan had a hard time relinquishing his pacifier too and they finally resorted to cutting it. So I went home and cut his precious little friends and put him down for his nap. He noticed right away and told me that his "fufus are broken - fix it". Trying to be as cheerful and empathetic as I can be, I told him that I know they are broken, but it's okay. It makes me so sad, but I know it's time. He's not a baby anymore.

Of course, since then, he hasn't been sleeping during nap time, which is really hard on me. He does stay in his room, so at least I have some downtime, but I needed a nap a couple days myself and I wasn't able to get one because I have to be alert for his sake. Actually, 2 days ago I did lay down for 15 minutes and in that time he had a bowel movement and then proceeded to change himself - unsuccessfully. It was awful! Diaperless, he had climbed up on his changing table to retrieve his wipes and then climbed back down to the floor to try to wipe himself. I came in when he started crying because he hadn't been able to clean himself and he had gotten poop some of his books that were on the floor. He was so upset and ashamed and afraid! It was heart breaking! I assured him that it was okay and we quickly headed to the bathtub and got him all cleaned up. My mom seems to think that it is hilarious that he tried to change himself, but I feel so bad that he was so ashamed for making such a mess that it's not as funny to me. Maybe I'll see it that way in time.

He did take a nap for me yesterday - I actually had to wake him up after 2 hours. When I went in, he had found one of his whole pacifiers in his mouth, so I think I'm going to have to cut it today. I feel like such a traitor. It's sad.

Silas Potty Training Update

Silas was doing so well there for a bit, and now he has decided he WANTS to poopoo in his diaper and not the potty, so I'm not sure what to do. I know what John Rosemond says I should do, and I feel his intense stare at times when I don't force my child to run around naked -- that picture of him on the back of the book is a little intimidating! I actually do have him diaper-less when I can, and at first that seemed to help tremendously, but for some reason, Silas has no interest in being naked and he treats underwear just like a diaper. We talk about being a big boy, and once he told me that he is not a big boy, he is a little boy. It was really sweet - so now I'm trying NOT to rush him and I'm imagining him as an 8 year old and imagining me longing for when he was 2.